Subscribe to RSSArchive for October, 2007:
Day 5/Menuhin
Day 5. I’ve been listening to/watching clips of Yehudi Menuhin on Youtube. Beautiful stuff. Curiously it seems his son got fired over making statements regarding an international Jewish conspiracy. Go figure.
selling my indulgences
Spanish_Inquisition_(Monty_Python)
Originally uploaded by Warpo.
I don’t suppose I’ve mentioned that I’ve as good as graduated from my course. My results weren’t to my particular liking though, I suppose that’s to be expected given I didn’t attend any classes. I was really a little disappointed with my Modern American results, but I’ve come to expect that the worse results will come from things you enjoy more. And I really did enjoy Charles Johnson’s work, because I dig philosophical texts. I’ll have to read Hesse’s Siddartha eventually I suppose, although it probably has little to do with Keanu Reeves.
And I don’t know what to do from here. A bunch of my friends are furthering their studies. I don’t think I’ll pursue that road currently.
I’m not currently employed, but I was working for awhile there. It wasn’t a bad job I’d say, even though it didn’t pay that well, with the main perk being that it was within walking distance of my house meaning that I saved on transport and got to go home for meals. It was a temp job, which explains the not paying that well, and I’d gotten it through a friend, who thought I’d get interviewed for a higher level position given my education background. But I didn’t. So why’d I leave? Well, for one it was monotonous for one. I mean, I still debate leaving rather than just taking a few days off, but it wasn’t a terribly rewarding job. The week leading up to when my contract was up for renewal I was debating sticking around, and in the end I think I decided I simply wasn’t learning anything that I would be able to apply to future occupations. Also, I felt like the working environment wasn’t for me, dominated as it was by middle aged makciks.
Which brings me to the next point. I’ve been procrastinating for awhile now. A few months back, a few weeks after I completed my exams, I suddenly faced the anxiety of the rest of my life. I think I’ve mentioned that it feels as though I’ve been sleepwalking through most of my life, and most of my life decisions weren’t made by me. It feels as though I’ve stumbled from secondary school to junior college to national service to university, and once that cycle ended I felt this enormous sense of loss. There was an enormous amount of freedom in not choosing and finding the future unwritten I felt as though I were paralysed by choice.
I started writing resumes and job applications, but that trapped me for awhile as well. Looking over my attempts at writing everything felt futile. My school records were unremarkable, I had no significant work experience, and the idea of my being able to offer anything to an employer seemed laughable. I was the one who wanted something from them, i.e. a job. Furthermore, it didn’t feel like I could “sell” myself without lying or at least greatly exaggerating my own capabilities, which from my own experience I know to be limited. I can’t help but feel like I mess up whenever I start a new endeavour, like it takes me forever to learn to do anything or that I try to take the easy road as far as possible and when something difficult pops up I avoid it or shift responsibility. I feel incompetent and there’s been very little to disprove that notion I’m afraid.
I feel like I’m getting better now though. I’ve mostly gotten over the anxiety, and the fear of fucking up has been subsumed into the greater fear of not having any means of making a living. In trying to sell myself I’m doing my best to not overaggrandise (or embiggen, if you like) myself while simultaneously not selling myself short. Sitting here at two in the morning I realise that the best way to go about this would be to revert to old ways and approach this as though it were an exam. Find a private place, do my reading, do my research, and write like hell. Get by with a little help from my friends if necessary.
If all this feels self-indulgent, I suppose it is. I don’t tend to write a lot about personal matters because it feels trite and insignificant. Looking over what I’ve written it is trite and insignificant, but I’ve always been better able to express myself through the written/printed word, it’s catharsis, an exorcism of the most intimate kind. Maybe none of this will make sense when I wake up, maybe this entry will be gone. I think it was necessary to have this tactile connection with my keyboard.
Peace.
Radiohead - Idioteque
via videosift.com
“Idioteque” contains two credited samples of experimental 1970s “computer music”. The first is several seconds of Mild und Leise, a piece by Paul Lansky, forming the four chord progression repeated throughout the song. Mild und Leise is 18 minutes long and through composed, so the portion sampled by Radiohead is only heard once in the original piece, very briefly. Also sampled is “Short Piece” by Arthur Krieger, apparently during the drum break. Both tracks were compiled on the now-rare LP First Recordings — Electronic Music Winners (1976), which Radiohead multi-instrumentalist Jonny Greenwood stumbled upon while the band was working on Kid A.
I love this one.
meanwhile…
Over at UsDudes.com, our group of intrepid reporters has managed to get incriminating footage that outs the elusive Najib as a dyed in the wool racist! He’s expecting his KKK membership card anyday now.
I’ve also updated the Contact and Links pages. Check it out.
wait… what?
Local research shows shopping can stave off dementia
The title seems to make an awfully huge jump of logic from the actual findings and is probably a not so secret attempt at boosting the economy.
“I’m not wasting money, I’m preventing myself from going senile!”
eid mubarak 1428ah
Maaf Zahir Batin. For all friends and blog readers, if I’ve done anything to offend or anger you, or if unkind words were spoken (or typed out), please find it in your hearts to forgive me.
***
I don’t feel like I’ve done enough this past Ramadan. I kept my sawm and my solat, but I don’t think I read the Qur’an enough or did enough of the sunnah prayers and I’ve probably been sleeping far too much. I feel like a less accomplished Muslim for it. The results of not having my time meaningfully occupied, I know. God willing I will be able to put in more effort next Ramadan.
***
I’ve noticed a move in recent years to, not so much stop using Selamat Hari Raya, but perhaps diversify the greetings officially used. You wouldn’t have seen Eid Mubarak on lamp post banners ten to fifteen years ago, for example. I’d like to think this ties in with a greater awareness of Islam beyond the Malay Archipelago, which is why I liked the Straits Times feature in conjunction with Aidilfitri. Besides commemorating the festival, it illustrated the diversity of the Muslim experience and hopefully gets more people (especially Malay Muslims) out of the trap of thinking that Islam is a Malay religion.
***
A friend’s father passed away earlier in the day, and as sad it is I hope there’s some relief to the family that he’s no longer suffering. In the light of this past Ramadan, I’d like to think death is a sobering reminder of our mortality and gives dimension to why we fast.
***
We’re all trying to live life in the sight of God’s memory, like that y’all.
Peace.
wok on by
Nawar got the above for me on his recent trip to Vietnam. I’m not sure exactly what the dates stand for (I’m sure he mentioned it) but it looks cool doesn’t it? Now if I only had somewhere I could put it, plus I feel a little bad because I haven’t gotten him anything this year.
Anyway, iftar last Wednesday at Magic Wok Novena Square with Nawar, Shikin Fizzie and Adila. Maghrib at Masjid Abdul Hamid Kampong Pasiran, my first time there. It’s very small, very cosy and interestingly in my opinion is not at all discordant with the private houses surrounding it. Chilled at the Starbucks at United Square after, where the barista’s pants were sagging enough to have her ass hang out a little when she bent down to get something out of the fridge. I’m just saying, that’s all.
Photos taken with the new camera. I’m still pretty crap as a photographer, what with my shaky hands and all, but it’s a good camera and with all the gifts it came with when I got it at the recent Comex it was a real bargain.
I don’t get to hang out with these people all that much, but it’s always cool when I do.
